2018 I have been working with some new ideas. If someone asks me, what is it that you have been working on?…I mumble and fumble through some jumble of words. The words will still reach the ears of listeners who have the patience and understanding of the long ‘processing’ of ideas. Sometimes though I have to push well practised words through my mouth; ignoring my annoyed ideas in brain who think that my words have destroyed their essence.

Later on I have to pamper those ideas by writing them out in as vague, unformed manner as they are, not trying to clothe them in flashy trendy vocabulary. Just like fashion industry suggesting us what to wear, there are trends in words we use; limiting our capacity to think beyond those words. To think of it, there are trendsetters of every moment of our lives, choosing profession, marriage photography, honeymoon destinations, vacation destinations, partying….so that one doesn’t need to “think” at all.

We rush from one activity to other without thinking, without feeling…and to stir up those numbed feelings, we crave to feel. We watch movies that could allow us to feel, live those stories, allow us to understand our own stories through them.

If we just wait and listen carefully, those stories are everywhere around us.

An elderly couple came last week from a small town in UP. The wife had uncontrolled sugars. I expressed my concern over her not coming on time, and not managing her sugars well. She said she had been busy, somethings happened because of which she couldn’t take care of her health. I let my curiosity enquire what was it that prevented her from focusing on herself. She blurted her 35 year old son died. How? She said cardiac arrest just out of the blue, and by the time they rushed him to a bigger town, he died leaving behind his 3 year old daughter and pregnant wife. That is what brought this elderly couple to the hospital, because now they had to take care of themselves to live healthy and long enough for their grandchildren. They didn’t give up against this cruel reality, instead heroically looked beyond the tragedy to take up a responsibility. At the same time, they had experienced helplessness when tragedy struck. They were now looking for hope and strength to be able to take up a new role as caretakers, not as needing care themselves. And I listened….Did they find hope and strength? I hope they did. It’s within them and within each of us….perhaps we are just waiting for someone to listen to us.

“…there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do —
determined to save
the only life you could save.”

-Mary Oliver