26th January brings back the memories of childhood and strangely the clearest memories I have of being awed by the kids receiving the bravery awards. The stories of those kids made me imagine stories that maybe someday I will fight some robbers and get a bravery award. I unfortunately never had to fight any knife wielding robber ever in my life.

The stories changed for me, I started searching for meaning in exam results, cooking, lovely home. The stories I chose to live in, came into being from the stories I heard and saw as a child, read in schools, heard from neighbours, television serials, movies; my values and meaning in life gradually built with many layers of these stories.

There have been dark, difficult periods when I felt so lost and the story lost meaning. Working didn’t give meaning enough and going for work everyday was an act of courage and bravery, in fact living everyday became an act of bravery.  I started wondering how do people get meaning in life.

Its easy to get meaning in stories which seem meaningful to all, people who are appreciated by many. Even those people may be however seeking a totally different meaning from what is apparent. But how do people who are unnoticed, their work not considered meaningful, live their stories.

I met a 45 year old man with his wife in OPD, with metastatic disease (Terminal cancer). What stuck me was his happy demeanor. I was explaining to him about his thyroid disease, when he said whatever you say I will follow. I do not wish to know about my disease, I never google or search for the disease. I asked him, if he is not curious. What does he think? he says he writes a blog healing day by day and night does gratitude (thanks 10 people everyday). Here was this person who has found a story for himself, his wife also believed in his story and this story gave meaning to his life, now and would continue to give meaning afterwards. Everyone dies he said. true. What we crave for is not life, but a meaning, a story in it.
Another man stepped in with his wife, who was full of complaints because he was drinking, his sugars were uncontrolled. A complaining wife here was creating a story of guilt and shame for the person, which is so difficult to live in. I tried to rescue him from that story and put him into another. Give him a chance, he is trying hard- just give him a chance to get out of this story.

Similarly parents have so much influence on the stories of their kids, and more often than not they use this to manipulate them. It is with the intention of making them successful, but the kids then do not learn to seek their own meanings and stories. They will forever live in stories created for them by others. There will be times when they will feel lost because its not their story.

In my profession or in most professions in India a very hierarchical system runs where the credit and meaning of all work done automatically lands with a few heads. Frequently the complaints are that residents are not hard working, nurses make mistakes. Maybe they do not find enough meaning in their day to day stories. Unless a person can tell his or her story proudly, he or she cannot enjoy living in it.

The stories give us our identities, who we are, who our families are, who our ancestors were. The stories are what we live for and fight for. How else are so many people being manipulated to fight for a story that happened long long back. In fact all the fights and wars of the world happen over stories and histories.

So my bravery awards go to people who live simple lives and find meaning for themselves in small everyday activities. And I also give myself a bravery award today for finding a meaningful story in my everyday life…no I did not fight a robber, but I fight for people who are struggling to find a meaning in life.